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HE SAW THE HEADLIGHT.
"I got Into a town In Pcmnsylvanla
last fall where everybody rode a bike,"
Mid the New York drummer.
GETTING A GOOD DINNER.
, A gentleman played off a rich Joke
and I on Ms better half, lie mg somewhat of
there was no law to make them light
up at night I had business out In
the evening and the landlord said I
had better take a lantern along. I
did so, and I was walking in the mid
dle of the road when an old man
came riding plump Into me and
knocked me Into the ditch.
“ 'You blamed fool, but are you
blind?' I yelled at him, as I Bat up.
‘"Not by a durned sight,' ho replied.
* 'Then you must have seen my
light?’
" ‘Of course I did.’
" 'Then why did you bump Into me?*
" 'Because I thought It was o’ them
durned locomotives from the railroad
travelln’ around on the street, and
I wanted It to know that I wouldn’t
take a bluff!* "—Cleveland Plain Deal-
epicure, he took It Into his head
thai morning that ho should like to
have a tlrst-rate dluner*ln the evening.
Bo he addressed her a note from the
city, politely Informing her that a gen
tleman of her acquaintance, an old and
true friend, would dine with her that
day. £
As soon as she bad received It all
hands went to work to get everything
In order. Precisely on time she was
prepared to receive her guest. A
sumptuous dinner was on the table
and she was arrayed In her best attire.
A gentle knock was beard, and when
the drawing room door opened she
saw her husband with smiling count©-
Living Upon Kisses.
Browne: "Lovett and his bride
went to New York for their honey
moon/’
Towne: "Why, he told mo they were
going on a European trip/*
Brown: "That’s Just his bluff. He
moant they were going to stop at a
European plan hotel on the trip, be
cause they were too much In love to
think about meals at all.—Catbolis
Standard and Times.
Now They Don't Spssk.
Edyth: “You had better look out
for a proposal from Percy Feather
brain/*
Marine: "Why, has he said any
thing to Indies*© his preference for
me?"
Edyth: “Oh, no; but he proposed
to me last night, and whon I refused
• him he threatened to do something
desperate.'*—Columbus Dispatch.
The Real Thing.
"Then your husband won’t give ud
bis club?” queried the friend.
“No," replied the patient youn*
wife, “and I don’t propose to give up
mine."
“The Idea! I didn’t know you had
ope.”
“Neither does he, but the next time
be comes home late from hls I’ll be on
band with mine/’—Philadelphia Press.
No Cause for Worry.
Clara—What do you think of 8tslla’s
escapade?
Maude—Why, what did she do?
Clara—She eloped with her father’s
coachman last night.
Maude—Well, her future Is assured.
Clara—In what way?
Maude—He has a stable Income.
UNHEALTHY.
nance.
“Why, my dear,** said she, in aa
anxious tone, “where Is the gentleman
of whom you spoke In your note?"
"Why," replied the husband, com
placently, “here he ls. M
“You saTd a gentleman of my^ ac
quaintance, an old and true friend."
“Well.** said he. good-humoredly,
"am I not a gentleman of your ac
quaintance and an old and trot
friend?"
“O," the cried, disappointedly, “this
Is too bad."
The husband laughed Immoderately,
but finally they sat down coxily to
gether, and for once he had a good
dinner without haring company.—Lon
don Tlt-Blts.
Puff of Fame.
Justice Bewer Is from Kansas, and
hls state Is Justifiably proud of him.
soon after hls elevation to the supreme
bench a cigar manufacturer In Tope
ka dedicated a 10-cent “domestic" ci
gar to the Jurist, named it "Our Jus
tice," and on the cover of each box
pasted a portrait of Mr. Brewer.
A few years ago the Justice was In
Topeka on a business trip. The hotel
clerk recognised him, and the negro
bell boy, although he bad no Idea who
the newcomer was, knew from the way
he was ordered about that the patron
was of some consequence. Going up
in the elevator the negro stared con
stantly at the tall, dignified man.
Suddenly the black face was wreath
ed In smiles, and the boy said:
“*Scuse me, boss, but ain’t you de
gemmon dat Invented dera 'Ou*u Jes-
tico cigars?"
This reminds one of the man who
was recalling famous persons who
“parted their names In the middle.”
"And then," he said, "there Is *E.
Plurlbus Unum,’ the man that maket
the bass-drums."—Kansas City Jour
nal
Handsome Higglnson—Walkln's said
ter be good fur a feller, but me brud-
der 1MU didn’t find It so.
Empty Edwards—How’s dat?
Handsome Higglnson — Why, ha
walked In front of an automobile an'
now ho'a in de hospital.
Made a Slight Mistake.
"Mr. Deeply." said the hostess,
"won’t you oblige us with one more
“Oh, really," replied the omlnent
basso, “the hour Is so late I'm afraid
fny singing will disturb the neigh-
“Never mind that. They’re got a
dog whose hoWllng disturbs* us at
Wight, too/’—Philadelphia Preaa.
Ready for a Change.
Smith— I’m afraid It will be useless
to ask Homer to Join our club.
Jones—Why do you think so?
Smith—He's a married man.
Jones—Oh, that’e all right; he has
been married more than six months.
Foretells Happltr Days.
While the baggageman at the K*n*
©as City Union depot was in the act
of throwing a trunk the other day It
exploded, wounding several persons.
All great reforms, however, begin wtth
bloodshed.—Chicago Tribune.
Boisterous.
There waa once a pair of young beaux
Who sported the loudest of oleaux.
And the nolee that they made
Put the sea In the shade.
By the sound of tho aerge,! suppeaux.
—Pennsylvania Punch Bowl.
Local Entertainment.
A newcomer from the metropolis,
feeling sure that the people of the lit
tle mountain settlement in the Cum-
berlanda would be Interested to know
In advance the date of o certain event,
asked permission to place the follow
ing clipping from hls dally piper in
tho window of the little postoffleo: 'A
total lunar eclipse will take place to
morrow between 8 and 9 p. tn.
Not long after ther ( o was a knock
at the door of hls cottago near by A
half-grown girl stood there, Industri
ously twisting the corner of he^ rag
ged apron.
“Please, air." she began, hurriedly,
“mother wants to know If It’s to be In
the chapel of the sehoolhouse. And
may I he doorkeeper? I keo* It for the
waxworks last year, aod there didn’t
a soul get past me ’thout puttin’ In!"
—Youth's Companion.
LATER TOMMY GOT A LICKING.
At the last meeting of the City
Council, a resolution was introduced
to petition th Legislature to change
city’s charter so that the
waterworks can be placed under
the control of the Mayor and Council.
City Attorney Leon A. Wilson was in
structed to prepare the necessary pe
tition to present to the Legislature
when it meets in June.
Is It Right?
Is it right for you to lose 84.20 that
dealer may make 50 cents more by
soiling fourteen gallons of ready-to-
use paint, at 81.50 per gallon, than
our agent will make by selling you
eight gallons of L & M., and six
gallons of linseed oil, which make
fourteen gallons of a better paint, at
81.20 per gallon. Is it right?
The Longman & Martinez L & M.
Paint Is sold by P. N. Horley Hard-
A business man here was arrang
ing some furniture In his store and
got up on a pile of bed springs and
cut the cords which held them down.
Instantly they shot him straight up,
and he bit the ceiling and fell on the
staircase, bumping down on the floor.
He was very badly bruised and cut;
but he can assure hls customers that
hls bedsprlngs are strong.—Quitman
Free Press.
alumbla
BEST TALKING MACHINES MADE
Cylinder Machines $T-SQ io $100
Oise Machines $12 io 963
The strike at the car works of the
Atlantic Coast Lino at Savannah has
been settled.
LAWYERS.
Office in Few Lott and Hitch Bnlldine.
Lott & Hitch Building, Weycrote, Oa. 2
Office in Lott A Hitch building,
Solicitor-General of the Brnnawiok Circuit
-Wsycroea Gag
fi/
New ' ott Rulldlogl
Wtrcreai. 0,or. ,
VaLTBH BF.NWVTT.
I.AWYER
Watceom, . . Qxoxou,
Lolt <k Hitch building
PHYSICIANS.
clock' Office hour, 9 to 10.. m., 3 to 4
y. m„ and 0 to 8 p. tn. Dr. H..ker',
rwld.uc.oo Oiltuore street. Dr. iilcr 1 ,
residence Gilmore itreet Telephone con'
unction, at office, and rttaidrncce.
Order, should b. left at Seal- PhlrmaCt.
Office at Realdeoce, Drunel|8tK«t l
Telephone No. lot.
Rev. Dr. Thirdly (visiting)—Tommy
do you know what a miracle lit.
Tommy—Yea; pop aatd tt would bo
a miracle If you didn't »t»y to dinner.
Didn't Want to Tolk Chop.
Accepted Bui tor: “And now. d*tr>
•it. about th. ring. What kind do—“
She (n telephone girl): Oh. mercy,
me. let'* don't Ulk .hop!"
Time fer DU»ppr*rln».
Be new told hie k>»e. tor when
The fatal words he would hare alt
Her father from above y,Ued down—
t.i the young man Quickly fled.
Extravagance In Kmc.
Thera wee something new In town
to-day. A Saline man with an auto
mobile put on a pair of kid glove,
gad oiled hli machine. Then he threw
them away and put on n new pair.
That atrnck the crowd ae very wasCe-
ful and extravagant.—Abilene Deflec
tor.
■y th. Court Jeter.
Wolaey woe saying: “Farewell, e
long faraw.il to nil my greatness." t
"I hope lt'e not a Patti farewell,"
added Henry VIII, with eoune humor.
—Hotuton Chronicle.
Too Opaque.
"Bah Joe!" drawled the dude hoard
or. 'T certainly do admire the New;
port set'
"Excuse me." enld the' buffoon board
or, but before going farther would tow
please (fate whether you mean people
hens, or teeth T" -
Office over Star Clothing; Store, itmn
-lent* next oorner. Office honre X tc
«>.aiiiolp. m.
W. W. .Aneley, Collector.
Dr. E. M. Nolan,
Practice limited t
EfE, EAR, NOSE ANO THROAT
" * JACKSONVILLE. FLA
i uithtm there
DENTISTS.
_ Office np «utr* in VcCol’-s Walker’s
bni.dlng, tender* hls profm/onsl s#rvto*«
to the panlir. W*j c*t». Oum. it
up-stai
Plant Avenoe
Resilience at Mrs. Olem.tn’s.
It will be to vour interest to «e
before bavins work don*
isms
D-SWIFTs®-
Tho Oraphophono reproduces nil kinds of
muslo perfectly-band, orchestra, v'olln,
vocal and Instrumental solos, quartettes,
etc. It Is an endless source of amusement.
R.lch
ntertnlnlns
G uptlvntlna
o utwearlng
©sonant
D ©UfgHtful
S uperlor
COLUMBIA mm
Bold Moulded Cylinder
Records
COLUMBIA DISC RECORDS
7>lnch, SO cents each, $S per dozen
IC-Inch, $1 each, 910 per dozen
Grand Opera Records, (made In lOlnch discs
only) 93 each
Pond fer 1,1 met oalalopuaa of maohlnaa and raeorda.
Wa hara all lha nawaat popular till* In W* atylaa of
raeorda - cyllndara and dlaoa.
IPhGStOffPDph CoiKpS&HJfr
43 Peachtree Street, ATLANTA, GA.
»Si, Louts. 1004*
Stanley’s
Business
College.
MACON, GEORGIA.
TO PARENTS:
You, no doubt, are deeply
interested about the future
prosperity of your children.
You can insure their inde
pendence by giving them a
thorough, practical business
education. With a well-
rounded knowledge of modern
business methods, no matter
what financial reverses may
come, your children will be
prepared to make their way
in the world.
Our business is to give
just this kind of an edu-
cation.^AJcommon school
education is not sufficient.
If you can’t pay in full
we will wait on you, se
cure your son or daughter
a position and let^them
pay us.
To net the benefit of this
offer, address at once.
G. W. H. Stanley*
President.
Stanley’s Business College,
Pythian Castle Building,
Macon, Georgia.
Missouri Wines
Are the Best.
Why not Give Us a Trial?
One Case. 12 Bottles Assorted
©4.00 and we pay the freight to
Waycross. Send cash with order.
Our Brandies
are of the same superior excellence as; our wines—more
could not be said fyr any product.
Write for Price List.
Stone Hill Wine Co.,
Hermann, Mo,
Wm. Fedder,
Commission Merchant
916 North Third Street, Kansas City, Mo.
Our homegrown trucks are about all killed. We must draw our
supplies from Southern points. So would like to handle your ship,
ments this season.
Write for Stencils and Market Quotations
Reference—Franklin Bank or Kansas City Packer
Established 1890.
CASTOR IA
Tor infants and CMIflrta.
ft» Bb4 Yob Haw Always Buffi
Mi 1 1
ONE FULL QUART OFH
WHISKEY Fill
ft CmrJllVa h
• Ur*
■■tl Hoat wbfakey tclUr* are uoi*d
—Hrrtg. W«MUnof«rauilM9M©M
ArrLniwrjeouspetuor. -C?
ik'£!XL.VS2!%
JuS 1 '
MW—Lfclwwlty toottfc* pa r»
pifs
|™x'4Kmsaj'H
ul Wwi* is mm* %t jar* rtWifa bra
