Newspaper Page Text
THE CONYERS WEEKLY
VOL. XI.
It is estimated that $250,000 worth of
grain was raised on the unused portion
of public roads in Iowa last season.
There are in Germany alone 3000
Sunday schools, 30,000 teachers and
300,000 scholars, where twenty-five years
ago there was not one.
The sum of $400,000 was recently
offered for the well-known English
medical journal, the Lancet, which was
founded in 1823 by Doctor Wakely. The
offer was declined, the paper not being
for sale.
___________
Three physicians have left Paris for
Australia, taking with them germs of
chicken cholera. The Australians are
about to adopt Pasteur’s plan of de¬
stroying their rabbits, in the face of
very strong opposition.
In the office of the Recordeh of Deeds,
Philadelphia, is preserved a justice’s
docket over 100 years old. One of the
entries in the volume is as follows:
“Commonwealth agt. Stephen Blunt,
July 24, 1778. Charged of drinking
Damnation to General Washington and
all his army. Defendant held in £200. ”
Ten tons of Texan cotton seed were
recently shipped from Texas to Zanzibar,
Africa. An experienced planter accom¬
panied the seed for the purpose of in¬
structing the natives of Zanzibar in the
cultivation of the cotton plant. This
event marks the introduction of the cot¬
ton plant on the eastern coast of Africa.
The Reverend A. J. Swartz, of Chi¬
cago, a believer in metaphysical healing,
says that a letter was recently sent by a
family in New Zealand describing the
symptoms of a friend in this country who
was sick with diphtheria. So graphically
was the epistle written that its recipients
in New Zealand at once became ill frem
diphtheria.
Old Fhilip Winebiddle, the founder of
the Winebiddle Estate in East Liberty,
Penn., bought 100 acres of land where
the City of Erie now stands sixty years
ago and paid $500 for it. Almost be¬
fore the ink was dry on the papers he
made up his mind that he had been
swindled, but thirty years later the land
could not be bought for $2,000,000, and
it is now worth $3,000,000.
A correspodent, writing from Havana,
says that ne never saw a people so clean
in regard to their dress. A Cuban stev¬
edore will load molasses on a vessel for
a week and one can hardly find a spot
upon the white suit when Saturday night
comes. The clerks in Havanna look as
if they had just stepped out of band
boxes. They are usually dressed in pat¬
ent leather gaiters, silk stockings and
linen trousers and shirts that are spot¬
lessly white.
According to United States Consul,
Smithers, our Chinese brethren have
recently been playing some sad tricks
upon the barbarian merchants of the
West. Camels’ hair and wool received
in London fromTientsin have been loaded
with sand to the extent of one-third
of their weight; hides have been gener¬
ally woimv, and many shipments of
straw braids have been a total loss, ow¬
ing to damp straw and inferior dyes.
Many of these Chinese commodities are
now coming to this country.
It is a matter of general interest to
know that in two years more a century
will have elapsed since tne first success¬
ful crop of sea-island cotton was raised
by William Elliott, at Hilton Head,
South Carolina. It is suggested that it
would be appropriate that South G’aro
“na should take steps to celebrate in
1890 the centenary of the creation of
this great staple, which has been so im¬
portant an element in the material pro¬
gress of that and other Southern States.
Charleston Commenting on this suggestion the
News and Courier says;
“The matter is well worthy of consid¬
eration. The finest cotton in the world
is grown on the sea islands of South
t arolina. A cotton exposition to be
held in Charleston in the fall of 1890
would be an appropriate way in which to
signalize one of the greatest events in
the history of American life. The first
cargo of American cotton was shipped
from this port. The most remarkable
achievements in the cultivation of the
staple have crowned the labors of South
( arolina planters. Here we have every
opportunity for exhibiting the qualities
and the uses of the plant. It is grown
at our er ^” doors; , it . is . picked . in . our
„ ‘etas; .
it is ginned in our houses, packed
in our presses, spun and women in our
mills, shipped from our wharves Thou
in honor of the king of Southern
in commerce, and there is no better place
which he can hold his court than in
Charleston, the first and best of Ameri
Can cotton ports.”
CONYERS. GEORGIA. FRIDAY, MAY 11. 1888.
NATIONAL CAPITAL
INTERESTING DOTS ABOUT OUR
UNITED STATES’ OFFICIALS.
Go«sfp About th© White House-Army and
Navy Matters—Our Relations With Other
Countries ami Nations.
CONGRESSIONAL.
In the Senate Mr. Stewart introduced
a bill to execute certain treaty stipula¬
tions prohibiting Chinese immigration.
Referred to the committee on foreign re¬
lations. The railroad land grant forfeit¬
ure bill was taken up and amended so as
to exclude from its provisions the Por¬
tage Lake canal company and the Onta
raio and Brule river company, both of
Michigan. Amendments were also
adopted relative to the course of proceed
ure by land office officials in carrying it
into effect. The bill then went over,
and the bill for the establishment
of a bureau of animal industry
was taken up. Mr. Palmer ad¬
dressed the Senate in support of the bill.
When the doors were reopened the bill
was passed to perfect the quarantine
service of the United States. It imposes
a punishment of a fine of not more than
$300, or imprisonment for not more than
30 days, or both, upon any person, mas¬
ter, pilot or owner of a vessel entering
any United States port in violation of the
quarantine regulations, framed under the
act to prevent the introduction of infec¬
tious or contagious diseases into the
United States. It provides for the es¬
tablishment of additional quarantine
stations at the mouth of Delaware Bay,
the entrance of Chesapeake Bay, Cape
Charles on the Georgia coast at or near Key
West and at several Pacffic coast points.
Appropriations are made as follows for the
construction and maintenance of quaran¬
tine stations: At Delaware breakwater,
$75,000; Cape Charles, Va., $112,000;
South Atlantic station, Sapelo sound,
$38,500; Key West, $88,000; gulf
quarantine, formerly Ship island,
$15,000. The Senate adjourned.
in ... .Mr. Belmont of New York, presented
the House, and it was adopted, the
conference report on the joint resolutions
accepting, on behalf of the United States,
the invitation of the French republic to
take part in the international exhibition
to be held in Paris in 1889. The com¬
missioner representing the United States
will receive a salary of $10,000. The
House then went into committee
of the whole, Mr. Springer, of Illinois,
in the chair, on the tariff hill.
The bill reported in the Senate as a
substitute for the Cullom bill, proposing
amendments to tbe interstate commerce
law, proposes to amend the sixth section
of that law so as to require that “piinted
schedules of rates shall be kept open to
the public." The only amendments of
general interest proposed are destitute one to per¬ and
mit a railroad to carry free
homeless persons, transported by charita¬
ble societies, and another to permit munici¬ a
railroad to give reduced rates to
pal goverinents for the transportation of
indigent persons. In secret session Mr.
Sherman reported back the Chinese foreign treaty
from the Senate committee on re¬
lations with the recommendation
of committee that it be ratified....
In the House, Mr. Harner, of Pennsylva¬
nia, presented a memorial of dealers in
tobacco of Philadelphia, in favor of the
speedy repeal of the entire tax on tobac¬
co. Referred. On motion of Mr. Phe¬
lan, of Tennessee, tbe Senate bill was
passed for the establishment of a light¬
house at Newport News, and Middle
Ground, Va. The House then went into
committee of the whole (Mr. Springer,
of Illinois, in the chair) on the tariff bill.
GOSSIP.
On motion of Mr. Houk, of Tennessee,
a bill was passed by the House authoriz¬
ing the construction of a br.dge across
the Tennessee river at Knoxville, Tenn.
The appropriations committee notified
the Georgia delegation that they wmuld
be heard the Atlanta in regard Colored to the Exposition, appropriation which
for
the sub-committee have reported favor¬
ably. If the delegates ask for an appro¬
priation it will be given, and as the dele¬
gation could not do otherwise, it is al¬
ready prac.ically obtained.
Mrs. Cleveland is much pleased with a
stylish pony phaeton and the new sorrel
team, which she drives herself with Haw r -
kiiis, the old negro driver, who has been
at the White House since the Grant ad¬
ministration, seated in the boot behind.
She is a good driver and holds the spir¬
ited horses well in check. Miss Rose
Elizabeth Cleveland, who has been af
the VS bite House for the past two weeks,
generally accompanies her.
A hill "was appropriations reported from the House
committee on accordance with appropriat¬
ing $450,000 in the rec¬
ommendation of the secretary of the
treasury, to make up the deficiencies in
the appropriation for collecting the reve¬
nue from customs. Among the ports at
which deficiencies existed are the follow¬
ing, with the amounts to be paid them:
Charleston, S. C., $1,021.20; Savannah,
Ga.. $1,258.48; Wilmington, N. C.,
$785.16; Mobile, Ala., $766.56.
Tbe present session of Congress will
undoubtedly extend well into , and prob¬
ably nearly through the Summer. If a
tariff bill should pass the House at all, it
will hardly be done before the middle of
j UD6j an d the finance committee of the
Senate wmuld scarcely be prepared to re¬
port it back short of several weeks, and
then several more weeks would be con
w ;u even take more time than between
now and the 15th of June to defeat it,
and whether tariff legislation be or be
not enacted, it is evident that this isdes
tmed to be the longest session of Con¬
gress of many years.
The weather crop bulletin, issued by
the Signal Office, says: During the past
week the weather lias been unfavorable
for growing crops in Minnesota, Dakota
and Nebraska, where seeding lias been
temporarily suspended owing to cold and
heavy rains. In Illinois, Missouri, Kan¬
sas and Louisiana, the weather has been
generally favorable and the growing
crop is probably improved during the
week. In Mississippi, Alabama, South
Carolina and North Carolina, rain is
greatly Although needed less than for the all usual growing crops.
amount of
rain occurred in Ohio, Indiana. Ken¬
tucky ,nd Tennessee, a number of well
distributed showers the occurring in th se
states during week have doubtless
resulted in. the improvement of the crop
condition.
BOTH LOVED HIM.
A duel took place recently at a email
Mormon settlement in Luna valley, near
San Marco, N. M., between two lovesick
Mormon maidens. They had become en¬
amored of the same youth, James Whit¬
man, a cowboy and a Gentile. Their
names are Sarah Bollon and Mary Lee
more, aged sixteen and eighteen the years.
They were always friends up to time
of their love affair. They met a short
time before the duel in the adobe taber¬
nacle in the hamlet and had a fight right
then and there. This increased their
hatred, and from that time up to the day
of the duel both went armed with a re¬
volver. They finally met by mutual
agreement on the outskirts of the small
village and proceeded to fight a duel.
There were no attendants. They meas¬
ured off about twelve paces, drew their
revolvers, and fired shot after shot.
The firing attracted the attention of some
farmers working near by who rushed to
the scene of the duel. When they ground ar¬
rived Miss Bollon was lying on the
screaming, with blood flowing from an
ugly wound in the shoulder. A few feet
from her lay her revolver in the dust.
Miss Leemore stood like a statue about
a rod away, looking silently at her pros¬
trate rival, with her revolver still smok¬
ing in her hand. When the men ap¬
proached to disarm her she fled, and
shrieked: “Yes, I have killed her, and I
am glad of it!” Miss Bollon was carried
to the nearest house, where her wound
was dressed. She was found to ba
seriously, though not fatally, wounded.
DEADLY ENCOUNTER.
E. L. Martin, publisher of the A 'eio
Mississippian, of Jackson, publishes the
following account of the tragedy which
took place there. Mr. Martin, his rel¬
ative, was returning to his office from
his dinner, at. about 2 o’clock, when he
was met midway between his home and
his office by Gen. Wirt Adams and a
friend, who had left the postoffice a few
minutes earlier and were proceeding to¬
wards Martin’s home. An eye witness,
Walter Johnson, who was standing near, and
states that Adams stopped Martin
engaged him in conversation for about a
minute, when Adams drew his pistol and
fired, knocking Martin’s hat off. Adams’
second shot brought Martin to his knce j .
The latter experienced considerable diffi¬
culty in drawing his pistol, but finally
succeeding, he fired rapidly. The third
shot by Adams caused Martin to fall flat
on his back. After a few seconds, how¬
ever, he partially rose and steadying him¬
self on one elbow shot Adams direcily
through the heart, killing him instantly.
Martin lived a few minutes only, remark¬
ing to Charles Campbell; “I am a dead
man.” Owing to the fact that Martin is
believed to have received four shots
while only three chambers of Adams’s
pistol were empty some suspicions friend, at¬
taches to Ned Farrish, Adams’s
and an investigation will be held. Mar¬
tin, though only twenty-five years of age,
stood at the head of Mississippi journal¬
ism. Gen. Adams was between sixty
five and seventy years of age and was one
of Mississippi’s most distinguished men.
SEVERE DISCIPLINE.
At or near English, Crawford county.
Ind., the “White Caps” were visited out on one
of their raids. They first the res¬
idence of Peter Denton, near English,
and took his wife out and tied her to a
tree and gave her forty lashes over the
hack with hickory switches. They then
rode into English, and, going to the res¬
idence ot Wm. IT. Toney, took him out
of bed, tied him to a telegraph pole and
gave him one hundred lashes with stout
hickory switches on the bare back. The
residence of A. J. Goodman, m the sub¬
urbs of English was next visited. They
gave Goodman forty-eight hours in which
to go to work and earn a support for his
family or take a hundred lashes. The
“White Caps” then went to the residence
of James Pro, editor of the local paper,
and left a note for him to publish in the
next issue of his paper. In this note the
“White Caps” say that any man found
using money in the purchase of votes,
treating with liquors to influence voters
or in any manner attempting to cor
rapt the ballot during the pending polit
ical canvass, will be taken from his
home, tied face inward to a tree and
given two hundred lashes on the bare
back, and, for an aggravated hundred offense of
this character, three lashes will
be inflicted. The citizens think this to
be about the right thing.
A FLY EATER.
A boy about ten years of age, living at
Martin’s Mill, Tenn., has acquired a
mania for eating flies, and will turn away
from the daintiest dishes for this,* his
favorite diet. He eats them, he says,
because he loves them, and resorts to all
kinds of schemes to catch them. He
ys his little brother likes them as well
as he does, but is too lazy to catch them.
SOUTHERN GOSSIP.
BOILED DOWN FACTS AND FAN¬
CIES INTERESTINGLY STATED.
Accidents on Land and on Sea-New Enter¬
prises—Suicides—'lteligious* Temperance
and Social Matters.
The governor issued an order to
the First regiment Alabama state troops
to go into encampment at Mobile on the
11th of June.
The Tennessee Druggists’ Association
met in Chattanooga. Resolutions were
adopted advocating the organization of
a state pharmaceutical association.
Thos. Durden, a masonry contractor on
the line of the Powell’s Valley railroad,
Tennessee, was killed by a stone from a
blast. Ilis skull was literally smashed to
a jelly and death was almost instantan¬
eous.
A heavy hailstorm swept over a great
extent of country from Wilson to Wil¬
mington, N. C. It has done damage of
a serious nature to the growing and crops. the
In continued to hail an hour,
hailstones were very large.
Alfred Gentry, colored, a train porter
on the Nashville, Chattanooga & St.
Louis railway, had his skull crushed
while “skylarking” with another porter
on the platform not far from Murfrees¬
boro, and fell on to the rails.
Loundes county, Ala., has been all
torn up by some colored men, who resisted
the sheriff when he attempted to arrest Sev¬
them, and shot some of liis posse.
eral military companies from Montgom¬
riot. ery were ordered there and quelled the
Quite a strike is in progress at the
Pratt mines, at Birmingham, Ala. The five
company proposed to reduce wages The
cents a ton and the miners resisted.
matter will ho discussed by the board in
a day or two. A strike is also on at the
Wheeling mines.
A special tax levy on each dollar of
taxable property in Chattanooga, Teuu., the
is the latest sensation furnished by
city council. An ordinance to that effect
has been introduced and passed its first
reading. The tax payers are indignant,
and the exposure of extravagant expendi¬
tures is looked for.
The anniversary of the battle of Guil¬
ford, N. C., was celebrated in grand
style at Greensboro, lion. David Sclienck
delivered a stirring oration, depicting
in glowing language the heroism of the
soldiers of the Revolution. Gov. Scales
also delivered a patriotic address.
The plaid mills in North Carolina have
decided to cut off the productions of
plaids for the next ninety days, This
was arranged at a meeting of the plaid
mill owners at which twenty-two mills
were represented. The market for plaids
is largely overstocked and business light,
as is often the case in a presidential year.
Fire originated in the small Harris grocery
store of Costello Bros., on street,
Sandersville, Ga.; cause unknown. The
flames spread rapidly; the town had no
adequate fire apparatus, and the entire
block from McCarty’s store to Haines’
hall was in flames. All that portion of
Harris street, which is the main business
street, from McCarty’s brick store to C.
R. Pringle’s residence, across Haines
street and back on Haines street as far as
the residences of Mrs. Colin and J. A.
Ronson, was burned. The loss aggre¬
gates $100,000; insurance $50,000.
C. W. Moore, president, II. Y. Miller,
vice-president, J. W. Quayle, secretary
and teasurer of the alleged bogus “Hon¬
duras Mining and Prospective Company, ”
claiming to have an office at 26 Caronde
let street, in New Orleans, La., from
which point circulars were sent by mail
throughout the country, and remittances
obtained, were to-day indicted by the
United States grand jury charged defraud, with
feloniously devising a scheme to
“to be effected by opening correspon¬
dence with other persons by means of
the post office establishment of the Uni¬
ted States, and taking letters from the
post office in furthering the scheme in
violation of law.”
Six years ago, two young men named
James Bailey and John Roberson, left
Charleston, Miss., intending to go over
to the river farm of Col. J. S. Bailey.
Only a few miles of the journey could be
made on horseback, before reaching the
eastern limit of the water which, at that
time, covered nearly the whole of the
Mississippi valley, in some places nearly
a hundred miles wide. The rest of the
way was to be made in a dugout, through
an uncleared swamp of great gum and cy¬
press trees,cane brakes and vines. These
young men, against the i emonstrances ol
some friends, whom they passed on the
w*ay, persisted in their efforts to make
the* trip. From some cause, which will
forever remain a matter of conjecture,
tiie ‘ ‘dug out” was capsized, and the twe
men w'ent down to rise no more. Their
bodies have just been recovered.
CHURCH CONFERENCE,
~
The General , Conference „ of ... the African , . .
M. E. Church will meet in Indianapolis
I n d- Considerable interest is cen erct
i n tbe General Conference, because a
l® as t four new Bishops are to be e cc et.
Among the prominent candidates mcn
tioned are Dr. W. B. Derrick, of New
York; Dr. T. B. Tanner, of Philadelphia;
Dr. B. F. Lee, editor of the Christian
Recorder, and Drs. Johnson and Handy,
of Baltimore, and Dr. Gaines, of Atlan
ta, Ga. The session will last about three
weeks. The General Conference has
jurisdiction over Canada, West Indies
Hayti and San Domingo,
of Ctiarlei Dickens is
_ n r and copies MoS. lor a liv
nig.
WORLD AT LARGE.
PEN PICTURES PAINTED BY A
CORPS OP ABLE ARTISTS.
Wliat Is Going on North* East and West
and Across the Water-TIie Coming En*
ropean storm.
ing. Minister Pendleton is rapidly daily. recover¬
He takes carriage rides
Fifteen banking houses in Buenos
Ayres have suspended within ten days.
Mount Etna, in Italy, is in a state of
activity, but the eruption has not assumed
a serious aspect.
Gen. Carl Schurz and Bismarck havo
been discussing politics at Berlin very
amicably over their beer.
At the Democratic territorial conven¬
tion held at Ogden, Utah, all the Mor¬
mon delegates were excluded.
Gen. Boulanger’s friends in Paris liavo
distributed free, 2,000,000 copies of his
book on the Franco-German-War.
Emperor Don Pedro, of Brazil, who is
suffering with throat disease similar to
Emperor Frederick, lies dangerously ill at
Milan.
Dispatches from India announce that
Delhi and Moradabad have been visited
by disastrous hail storms, about one hun¬
dred and fifty persons having been killed.
The hailstones were flat and oval in shape,
and some of them weighed as much as
two pounds. grievance
Chairman Hodge, of the
committee of the Brotherhood of Loco¬
motive Engineers at Chicago, Ill., says
the strike has not been declared off, but
the men have been allowed to secure
their places with the Burlington com¬
pany at the best terms they can get.
In the Edgar Thomson’s Steel Works,
at Pittsburg, Pa., the new rail mill was
put in operation recently, and the first
rails made since last December were
turned out. Pinkerton guards are still
on duty, but everybody is in good humor,
and no further disorder is expected.
Col. William It. Aylett, of Pickett’s
division, delivered a lecture in Philadel¬
phia, Pa., on “Gettysburg,” before a
large and distinguished andience, in¬
cluded among which was Mrs. General
Pickett. He paid a glowing tribute to
Generals Grant, Sherman, McClellan
and Hancock. Mrs. Pickett says she
takes great interest in the great ussem
blage of Northern and Southern soldiers
which occurs at Gettysburg early in July.
The schooner, Edward E. Webster, ol
Gloucester, Mass., arrived at San Fran¬
cisco, Cal., after a six months’ voyage,
during which she ran out of all provisions
except musty flour, and the greater dying part
of her crew came near
from a strange disease, probably
caused by insufficient food, The
meat on board became tainted and
had to be thrown overboard. Soon after
several of the crew fell ill of a strange
complaint, which swelled their limbs,
made them useless and several died.
About three miles above Centerville,
Ohio, at Milkanna Station, as the train
of Miller and Freeman’s circus, passing
that point, went through a deep cut
known as “Backbone,” it met a landslide
which threw the engine and five cars
from the track, piling them up in. a con¬
fused and broken mass. A. H. Stillwell,
of Wellsville, O., engineer, was terribly
scalded. Elmer Ellsworth, of Colum¬
bus, Ohio, a colored cook, was killed
outright. The passenger coaches, con¬
taining performers, were uninjured, as
were also the cars containing the horses.
Edgar L. Hermance, late pastor of the
Presbyterian church, in the village of
White Plains, N. Y., shot himself while
in the pulpit. Ilermance’s resignation
was asked for some months ago, in con¬
sequence of dissatisfaction arising be¬
tween himself and the flock over his sal
ary. Ilis wife is the daughter of ex¬
President Woolsey, D. D., LLD., of Yale
college. Shortly before he shot himself,
llermancc was sitting within the chancel
conversing with the sexton, John Blake¬
ly, and appeared perfectly rational.
Hardly had he closed the church door
on leaving, when he was startled by the
report of a pistol shot, and rushing back
into the church, found the pastor stretch¬
ed prone upon the floor of the pulpit, l ie
was bleeding profusely from a bullet
hole in his right temple. Close beside
him lay a smoking 32-calibre revolver.
BAD WORK.
A Burlington & Quincy freight train
was badly wrecked when entering the
Louisville, New Albany and Chicago
yards at Chicago, Ill., and under circum¬
stances which leads to the belief that it
was the work of the strikers or sympa¬
thizers. After the engine and two ears
had passed, some unknown miscreant
threw the switch and the next fifteen
cars were piled up in a hopeless wreck in
a ditch. Just as the switch was thrown,
a man pear the rear of the train threw a
tie on the track, wrecking the last three
cars, and at the same time a car of
“dope” material of a highly inflammable
nature, used tor oiling wheels, which
was in the center of the train, was on fire
and destroyed. The conductor was found
lying near the tracks nearly insensible.
He bad been beaten by three men who
boarded his caboose. He cannot live.
The crew of tbe wrecked train was en¬
tirely made up of new men.
WHOLESALE REFORMS.
The bishops of the Methodist church
in annual session at New Y'ork severely
criticized secular Sunday newspapers,
and claim that they are one of the means
of robbing the people of their day of
rest. The liquor traffic was advised. deprecated,
and total prohibition was
NO. 11.
AN OPEN SECRET.
What is it that gives to the plainest face
The charm of the sweetest beauty?
Not the thought of the duty of happiness,
But the happiness of duty.
This is Life’s lesson, children dear,
They are blest who learn it early
For it brightens the darkest day with cheer,
Though Fortune’s face bo surly.
There’s a certain narrow, quiet path
Of daily thinking and living,
Of little deeds of sacrifice,
Of loving and forgiving.
Of patience and obedience,
Of gentle speech and action,
Of choosing the right and leaving the wrong
With a sunny satisfaction;
And if we never leave this path
For the thing the world calls pleasure,
There will come to meet us a heavenly joy
Beyond all powor to measure.
For on this narrow, quiet way,
God’s angels move for ever,
Waiting to crown with peace divine
Our every high endeavor.
Yes, this is what sheds on the lowliest life
The glow of -the sweetest beauty,
Not the thought of the duty of happiness,
But the happiness of dutyl
—Celia Ihaxtcr, in Youth's Companion.
PITII AND POINT.
Spring novelties—Fine days.
A host in himself—The landlord.
Perspiration never rains—It simply
pores.
Much adieu about nothing—-A woman’s
farewell.
There are no rounds of drinks in the
ladder of success.
A pen may he driven, but a pencil does
the best when it is lead.
Teacher—“What is lava?” Junior
Girl—“What men put on their faces
when shaving.”
Time flies and stays for no man. The
only fellow who can beat it is the musi¬
cian. —Merchant Traveler.
Agent (at the door)—“Is the lady of
the house in?” Gentleman (calling to his
wife) : “Ma’-y, is the cook in?”
Mamma—“And who dwelt in the gar¬
den of Eden,Freddie?” Freddie—“Oh, I
know; the Adamses !"—Harvard Lam¬
poon. Judge—“Madame, wliat is ago?”
your
She—“Your Honor, I leave that to the
mercy of the court .”—Buffalo Com
mercial.
Let a woman busy herself with hammer
and nails, and it is usually difficult to
determine wliat she is driving at.— De¬
troit Free Press.
“May I help you to alight?” said a
young man to a lady about to leave the
railway car. “No, thanks,” said she,
“I don’t smoke.”
The girl t hat hath a dimple she
Doth know it, lips
And always bites her pretty
To show it.
— Mercury.
At the restaurant: Haughty Stranger waiter."
—“Your thumb is in my soup,
Waiter—“Well, it don’t take up much
room. If you kick, though I’ll fill the
bowl up.”
A spark arrester is a recent locomotive
device; but nothing seems to fill the bill
of a spark arrester so well as a good,
healthy dog with a knack of holding on.
— lloitonBnd.ijet. ,
Young Physician (pompously)—“Yes, three times
I’ve called at Mr. Brown’s a
day for a week. ile is a very sick man,
Miss Smith.” Miss Smith—“He must
be by this time.”— Epoch.
An old man who never did anything
WOKC in his youth than throw a snow¬
ball at a dead cat, will amuse himself by
the hour telling you what a bad boy
he was .—Philadelphia Call.
Bjones— “That fellow Gagley tried to
borrow $500 of me this morning."
Smythe— “Five hundred? lie must bo
cracked!” Bjones—“No; he’s not
cracked. He’s broke.”— Life.
Lieut. Boxer (showing his cousin
around the cantonment)—“Would “It’s you
like to look at the magazine:” Stuyvcsant—“Thank just
over there.” Miss
you, no. Papa subscribes for them all.”
The Rev. E. D. Huntley, of Washing¬
ton, has delivered a lecture on “The
Girl to Love anil IIow to Treat Her.”
The how to treat her depends upon the
season of the year .—Richmond Dispatch.
It is all well enough to say that thir¬
teen is an unlucky number, but America
started in business with thirteen states,
and seemed to be holding her own up Tid- to
the time of going to press .—Lomlon
Bits.
Husband—“What is that you are read¬
ing, my dear?” Wife—“A letter from
-other.” Husband—-‘Anything im¬
portant?” Wife—“I don’t know, I
haven’t got to the postscript yet.”—
Harper's Bazar. other ,
Chauncey M. Depew the morn¬
ing found his coachman’s children play¬
ing about, and he introduced himself.
“Well, my little man, and do you know
who I am!” Boy “Yes; you’re the
man as rides in father’s carriage.”—
Mercury. all
Sharp Husband—“Been shopping
day, you say?” Sharper Wife—“r.ver
since breakfast." Husband—‘‘Why, I
hadn’t but fifty cents to give you this
morning.” Wife—“That was plenty. I
never pay more than that for lunch.—
Omaha World.
Tramp (to partner)—“Did the old man
give up anything, Bill?” Partner
“Naw!” Tramp- “Wliat did you say to
him?” Partner—“I asked him if he
couldn’t help a poor man who was out o’
work, and he said he could give me
some’ work. Times Epoch. seems to be gettln’
wuss every day.”—
